The Cruelest Irony of all.

The cruelest irony of all is that of the love story. The bitter truth is that the people we love the most, have the most potential to hurt us. The people that we give the most to, have the most to take from us. This is a constant and dangerous game we play in our lives. How can one truly love without being vulnerable? Yet, how can one truly love and use that vulnerability against someone? It is my humblest opinion that if one does in fact truly love another, they not only won’t, but can’t use those gifts given to them against their intended. If they at any point do, did they truly love? Were they mistaken? Was it infatuation? What causes the heart to become selfish to a level that it disregards the mental and emotional well being of someone close to it? People can sling blame and point the finger at past experiences, personal shortcomings, or a slew of other excuses but when it comes down to it, it is simply the lack of love that allows or causes pain in another. Many are not self-aware enough to even realize this but the ones who are have a responsibility to not let it happen. The most tragic part of this story is that more often than not it’s the ones who have been hurt the most who perpetuate the pain. They know the pain yet don’t take the required action or responsibility to end the cycle. This is one of the most tragic cycles of the human condition I’ve ever experienced. To the ones who have been hurt and made a decision to end the cycle I salute you. You, my friends are the lights of a world covered in shadow. This story is yet another that though I understand it, I’ll never truly comprehend it. I’m glad I don’t however, because if I found a way to understand it fully I feel like I would have to had justified it in my head. I am in no way advising that anyone should stop getting close to people or allowing themselves to love, but I urge you to be careful, as hard as that may be. I myself I’ve fallen prey to the swift fall into someone’s arms and I, better than most, understand how difficult it can be to take a step back and think when someone offers open arms and a kind heart. Learn from mine and your own experiences, though hard as it may be. Life is a series of ups and downs and then you die. The most important part of life is to make sure that no matter how much you love anyone, you make sure that your happiness is based in yourself. Once you’ve done that no one can ever take it from you. Understand the difference between happiness as a reaction to circumstances and happiness as a state of being. No matter how much anyone can offer, you have to make sure you they do not hold the key to the door that is your happiness. The happiest married couple I know once told me that as much as they loved each other and enjoyed being a part of each other’s lives, if something happened and they found themselves apart or alone, that life would go on. Tough as it may be, life would go on and they would find happiness not in another, but within themselves again. That, I believe, is one of the reasons they are the most happy, successful, and wonderfully married couple I have ever met. They know this one key element that so few others seem to. So to conclude my rant, I urge you to seek out the parts of yourself and things in life that make you happy and surround yourself mentally and physically with them.

With love,

-A.

Who are we?

No one wants to be lonely. No one wants to go through life without someone by their side. People say that when you stop looking for someone, that’s when you find them. People say that it can be difficult to find someone who is compatible with you. The truth is two fold. These days it’s not about finding someone who is compatible, it’s not about someone who you think you can simply get along with anymore. The most important, and often hardest part of finding someone to share your life with is finding someone who won’t hurt you. We have become a selfish and self-seeking people. We will say and do horrible things to the people we supposedly care about in order to spare ourselves even the slightest inconvenience. It’s finding someone who will truly be honest and not discount the feelings and cares of others that is in fact the real rarity these days. Hell, it’s hard to even find friends like this much less a significant other. If all of that wasn’t enough to make you throw your arms in the air in total defeat the second truth to finding someone, which can be equally hard is the chance that they are in fact attracted to you not just for who you are, but yes, what you look like as well. Personality and the things that make us who we are can only go so far in attraction. If there is not a baseline physical attraction there is no way to fabricate it. The sad thing is that most people are not even remotely aware enough of this fact to pay attention to it and therefor only go for people they find extremely attractive, almost fully ignoring their personality and character traits. Who we are is what sticks around and comes out from under the cracks of our conversations and time spent. This is why so many people get together so fast, seem so founded, and then break up so hard. They ignore who each other are and lean solely on the fact that find each other physically attractive, then they find out things a little down the road that should have been obvious and they turn out to be deal breakers. Now there are only two ways to go about this as, like I said, most people don’t pay enough attention or have the awareness to look past physical attraction (or lack of). You can be yourself and hope that’s enough to catch someone’s eye or if in fact you don’t like your odds you can change them. Society tells us this latter is the only way to attain happiness however they also like to elude to the fact that if you aren’t born attractive you aren’t a pure breed for lack of a better term. If you have to work at, or simply try to alter your appearance to become more attractive to your intended they imply that you’re not in the same status as those born that way. I however disagree. I think people who decide they don’t like themselves after looking in the mirror and decide it’s time for a change, one accomplished, are far more entitled than those born that way. It’s the same context as someone who is living off of a trust fund vs someone who actually worked hard and earned their way to the top. They know the value and power of where they are vs where they were. They also know how the people who aren’t there yet feel and provided they aren’t an ass of a person, won’t perpetuate the societal finger pointing. The bottom line is that while people will tell you what they will, you have to watch out for yourself when trying to find a partner in life. It’s become a nasty and dangerous game. If you want to come out alive you have to be smart, cunning, aware, alert, observant, and most of all, willing to do whatever is required. I share this not out of concern for your well being, but for the simple purpose of shedding a little more light on the little pieces of pocket lint that like to peruse the lines of the lonely while portraying themselves as anything but cowardly scavengers. When it comes down to it, who are we?