There’s a song by Bon Iver called “Skinny Love.” If you haven’t listened to it, you should. It’s beautiful. There’s something beautifully tragic about love. When love is lost, the ties cut, and the blood spilled, love is just as overwhelming as when it was alive and well. That’s the danger of love. It’s the most powerful thing known to man but it can be the greatest feeling you’ve experienced or the worst. It can foster life or bring death. It can and will bring you to your knees at some point in your life. Love is an absolute. It doesn’t fade or die off. Love is like a magnet. It requires two poles to pull separates together, otherwise it’s empty and grasping at nothing. Love is a dangerous and blinding force. It can make us do things we never expected and even then look back in disbelief. Love is the most wonderful and terrifying thing in the world. Having experienced it myself, I can’t say it’s always worth the risk, but that’s the thing about love, it doesn’t always give us a that choice.
The cruelest irony of all is that of the love story. The bitter truth is that the people we love the most, have the most potential to hurt us. The people that we give the most to, have the most to take from us. This is a constant and dangerous game we play in our lives. How can one truly love without being vulnerable? Yet, how can one truly love and use that vulnerability against someone? It is my humblest opinion that if one does in fact truly love another, they not only won’t, but can’t use those gifts given to them against their intended. If they at any point do, did they truly love? Were they mistaken? Was it infatuation? What causes the heart to become selfish to a level that it disregards the mental and emotional well being of someone close to it? People can sling blame and point the finger at past experiences, personal shortcomings, or a slew of other excuses but when it comes down to it, it is simply the lack of love that allows or causes pain in another. Many are not self-aware enough to even realize this but the ones who are have a responsibility to not let it happen. The most tragic part of this story is that more often than not it’s the ones who have been hurt the most who perpetuate the pain. They know the pain yet don’t take the required action or responsibility to end the cycle. This is one of the most tragic cycles of the human condition I’ve ever experienced. To the ones who have been hurt and made a decision to end the cycle I salute you. You, my friends are the lights of a world covered in shadow. This story is yet another that though I understand it, I’ll never truly comprehend it. I’m glad I don’t however, because if I found a way to understand it fully I feel like I would have to had justified it in my head. I am in no way advising that anyone should stop getting close to people or allowing themselves to love, but I urge you to be careful, as hard as that may be. I myself I’ve fallen prey to the swift fall into someone’s arms and I, better than most, understand how difficult it can be to take a step back and think when someone offers open arms and a kind heart. Learn from mine and your own experiences, though hard as it may be. Life is a series of ups and downs and then you die. The most important part of life is to make sure that no matter how much you love anyone, you make sure that your happiness is based in yourself. Once you’ve done that no one can ever take it from you. Understand the difference between happiness as a reaction to circumstances and happiness as a state of being. No matter how much anyone can offer, you have to make sure you they do not hold the key to the door that is your happiness. The happiest married couple I know once told me that as much as they loved each other and enjoyed being a part of each other’s lives, if something happened and they found themselves apart or alone, that life would go on. Tough as it may be, life would go on and they would find happiness not in another, but within themselves again. That, I believe, is one of the reasons they are the most happy, successful, and wonderfully married couple I have ever met. They know this one key element that so few others seem to. So to conclude my rant, I urge you to seek out the parts of yourself and things in life that make you happy and surround yourself mentally and physically with them.
After years and years of being treated terrible by certain family members, betrayed by friends, cheated on by girlfriends, and being exposed to the depravity that is society, I’ve become cynical, bitter, hateful, closed off, and untrusting. I developed these traits as a direct reaction to the negativity I’ve experienced and witnessed. In some ways I’m more obvious about how I feel but in others I’ve kept it hidden. Only those closest to me have been enlightened as to my daily struggle with how I view most people. Having the ability to read people to a deep extent is a very draining thing. I see their core, I see their intent, and I see who they are. I see who they really are. Up until this point in my life I had been so aware of the negative in people that I’ve started to hate them. Truly hate them. I’ve become disgusted at who they are, the way they treat others, and the intent of their actions and pursuits. Tonight (02/15/2015) however, all this changed. I witnessed an individual who contained the most pure sincerity, humbleness, zeal, love, and heart that I’ve ever seen in my life. It was all I had not to be brought to tears immediately. Our interactions were brief, less than 5 minutes. In that time I saw more sincerity and kind-heartedness than the previous 26 years of my life. It gave me a glimpse of what is out there. Of what I could be. Of what we all could be. It showed me that there are still people worth helping out there. It made me want to find a way to change, to alter my views. I implore you to do the same. This was the most eye-opening, life changing experience I’ve ever had. I’m still somewhat in shock and trying to process everything. I don’t expect this will be a quick realization or change but it will be dramatic. I’m not saying I’m just going to magically start seeing the world through rose colored lenses, but I am saying if someone as cynical, bitter, and hateful as myself can take a step back and re-evaluate their entire set of views, so can you. Do whatever it takes to be happy. Don’t care what anyone else says or thinks. Search out happiness through career, education, social interactions, and simply in anything you can. Cherish the good people in your life. Don’t be afraid to cut off the negative influences or inputs to your life. Talk to someone about your goals, realize them. Make plans, set goals, take chances, and live.
In my generation’s search for love they seem to be willing to go to quite literally any lengths to get it. Disregarding personal well-being, safety, and even logic. But is it love they are getting? Is it the love they so desperately long for and need, or is it an illusion? An illusion paid for by the deep pockets of our modern society and media. An illusion that constantly seems to revive a never ending heart ache that so cleverly feeds the pockets of those who made the illusion to begin with. My generation wants love, but they simply aren’t getting it. They are getting what they are told is love, which unfortunately often ends up hurting them, giving them even more pain than they had, therefore making them want “love” all the more. Where is this problem originating? Well, without directly pointing the finger, where is the first place a child should feel love from? That’s right you guessed it, their parents. Quite simply, if a child is given the proper amount and type of love that they need growing up, they won’t feel so deprived when they reach their teenage years. When a child of any age is brought up in a TRULY loving and nurturing atmosphere, then why would they be so empty by the time they hit their teens? Again, parents aren’t the only origin of this generation wide epidemic. The world we live in and even peers of this age group contribute so very much. Why they hurt each other for personal gain I don’t know. But this so called “love” they seek is almost seemingly tangible to them. Yet as quickly as they perceive to have “attained” it, it’s either gone or they are hurt again. All in the name of their so called “love”.