Come on skinny love.

There’s a song by Bon Iver called “Skinny Love.” If you haven’t listened to it, you should. It’s beautiful. There’s something beautifully tragic about love. When love is lost, the ties cut, and the blood spilled, love is just as overwhelming as when it was alive and well. That’s the danger of love. It’s the most powerful thing known to man but it can be the greatest feeling you’ve experienced or the worst. It can foster life or bring death. It can and will bring you to your knees at some point in your life. Love is an absolute. It doesn’t fade or die off. Love is like a magnet. It requires two poles to pull separates together, otherwise it’s empty and grasping at nothing. Love is a dangerous and blinding force. It can make us do things we never expected and even then look back in disbelief. Love is the most wonderful and terrifying thing in the world. Having experienced it myself, I can’t say it’s always worth the risk, but that’s the thing about love, it doesn’t always give us a that choice.

What do you hold?

What do you hold onto? What gets you through the day? When other things fail and people break promises, lie, and let you down, what do you count on? This past year has been the darkest of my adult life and despite so many terrible things happening around me, every time I try accept what is happening and find hope, more things go wrong, break down, fail, betray, lose. I have reached the point where hope feels not only naive, but foolish. My potential college majors and careers laid out in front of me all feel wrong. My home town feels foreign, and everywhere I look to move feels questionable. What is one left to hold onto at the end of the day? When the dark has overcome the light? When No potential options feel right and where you are feels wrong, where does one go? This is not a social commentary with a decisive point and direction at the end my friends. This is an admittance of defeat. This is a point of starting over and letting go of everything I once thought I knew. Caring less and living more. Focusing on being rather than planning. Life isn’t what I thought it was and now I’m forced to adapt.

The Cruelest Irony of all.

The cruelest irony of all is that of the love story. The bitter truth is that the people we love the most, have the most potential to hurt us. The people that we give the most to, have the most to take from us. This is a constant and dangerous game we play in our lives. How can one truly love without being vulnerable? Yet, how can one truly love and use that vulnerability against someone? It is my humblest opinion that if one does in fact truly love another, they not only won’t, but can’t use those gifts given to them against their intended. If they at any point do, did they truly love? Were they mistaken? Was it infatuation? What causes the heart to become selfish to a level that it disregards the mental and emotional well being of someone close to it? People can sling blame and point the finger at past experiences, personal shortcomings, or a slew of other excuses but when it comes down to it, it is simply the lack of love that allows or causes pain in another. Many are not self-aware enough to even realize this but the ones who are have a responsibility to not let it happen. The most tragic part of this story is that more often than not it’s the ones who have been hurt the most who perpetuate the pain. They know the pain yet don’t take the required action or responsibility to end the cycle. This is one of the most tragic cycles of the human condition I’ve ever experienced. To the ones who have been hurt and made a decision to end the cycle I salute you. You, my friends are the lights of a world covered in shadow. This story is yet another that though I understand it, I’ll never truly comprehend it. I’m glad I don’t however, because if I found a way to understand it fully I feel like I would have to had justified it in my head. I am in no way advising that anyone should stop getting close to people or allowing themselves to love, but I urge you to be careful, as hard as that may be. I myself I’ve fallen prey to the swift fall into someone’s arms and I, better than most, understand how difficult it can be to take a step back and think when someone offers open arms and a kind heart. Learn from mine and your own experiences, though hard as it may be. Life is a series of ups and downs and then you die. The most important part of life is to make sure that no matter how much you love anyone, you make sure that your happiness is based in yourself. Once you’ve done that no one can ever take it from you. Understand the difference between happiness as a reaction to circumstances and happiness as a state of being. No matter how much anyone can offer, you have to make sure you they do not hold the key to the door that is your happiness. The happiest married couple I know once told me that as much as they loved each other and enjoyed being a part of each other’s lives, if something happened and they found themselves apart or alone, that life would go on. Tough as it may be, life would go on and they would find happiness not in another, but within themselves again. That, I believe, is one of the reasons they are the most happy, successful, and wonderfully married couple I have ever met. They know this one key element that so few others seem to. So to conclude my rant, I urge you to seek out the parts of yourself and things in life that make you happy and surround yourself mentally and physically with them.

With love,

-A.

Lies.

A sarcastic doctor on a no longer airing television show once said “Everybody lies.” There are even college courses on this very philosophy. Why though? Why do we lie? For convenience? Greed? Fear? Do we lie because we are taught to or would that even matter? Would we just observe how the liar gets away with the injustice scot free? Would we constantly work out the pros and cons in our heads? The cost of getting caught versus value of getting away with it. Is that all it comes down to for us? People, as a whole, are lying, thieving, manipulating, greedy little bastards. People say that in everyone theres is good. Well then people must put an awful lot of effort into hiding that good. The facts are that if people can’t handle the weight of telling the truth in the small, minuscule times that it hardly effects anyone, why should they be trusted with anything more? The bottom line that all lies can be tracked back to is selfishness. Selfishness is an epidemic in society and they lengths that people will go and the effort they will put forth simply to get what they want is mind boggling. They will do so at seemingly no care or consideration to the effects their actions, words, or lack of either have on other people. There are good people, and there are bad people. The bad far outnumber the good. The saddest reason for this is that it’s simply easier to be a bad person than it is not to. To be a good person is to accept responsibility for one’s thoughts and actions. This is not a popular way of life currently. In fact most people are willing to put incredible amounts of effort into avoiding responsibility of any sort. Everybody may lie, but remember this one last beautiful and satisfying thought, everybody also gets caught. 

Good Night. 

If these eyes could talk.

I’m switching things up a bit this week. Aside from being a week late, this is a fresh post as apposed to releasing ones I had previously written in succession. This week has been incredibly rough. There has been so much loss, so much tragedy, and so much pain. There is no positive spin, no silver lining, and no bright side. Between everything I’m going through in my personal life, the challenges, hardships, and dead ends, I’m simply tired of hearing people say things like “It’ll get better,” or “Don’t worry, things will change soon.” If you have truly ever been though anything hard you know that telling someone that things will get better does nothing for what they are currently experiencing. When you’ve been going through so much stress, anxiety, and uncertainty, someone telling you that things will get better is more infuriating than anything. In reality it’s a cop out. It’s saying “I don’t really know what to say or how to help, so here’s a generic saying to end this awkwardness I’m feeling.” Right now, for myself, and several others I know, life is hard and not very enjoyable. The only things that will make it better is time for some, and for others, resolution. I see struggle, I see hardship, and I see pain. It’s all around me. It’s a part of my life as well and it’s not a welcome guest. I want resolution, I want certainty, and I want change. What I don’t want is someone trying to blindly comfort me. I’m not looking for a hug, I’m looking to fix the things that aren’t going well. This week, in seeing the pain of other people I’ve seen countless others attempt to comfort them with empty words. It’s frustrating and disappointing. If you want to help someone, DO something about it, don’t just throw words at people so you can feel better about yourself.