Daylight.

 

Oh what shadows does the day leave me with?

What are these outlines that are now more real than what life I knew?

The shadows have become my life.

The shadows have become my day

With the pain of yesterday still clutching my shoulder

Are the shadows too big?

Will these shadows be bigger than me?

Or will I be stuck with my own shadow at the end of the day?

The shadows have become my day

The shadows have become my life.

When the shadows have overtaken me

There’s no more room for mine.

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Come on skinny love.

There’s a song by Bon Iver called “Skinny Love.” If you haven’t listened to it, you should. It’s beautiful. There’s something beautifully tragic about love. When love is lost, the ties cut, and the blood spilled, love is just as overwhelming as when it was alive and well. That’s the danger of love. It’s the most powerful thing known to man but it can be the greatest feeling you’ve experienced or the worst. It can foster life or bring death. It can and will bring you to your knees at some point in your life. Love is an absolute. It doesn’t fade or die off. Love is like a magnet. It requires two poles to pull separates together, otherwise it’s empty and grasping at nothing. Love is a dangerous and blinding force. It can make us do things we never expected and even then look back in disbelief. Love is the most wonderful and terrifying thing in the world. Having experienced it myself, I can’t say it’s always worth the risk, but that’s the thing about love, it doesn’t always give us a that choice.

What do you hold?

What do you hold onto? What gets you through the day? When other things fail and people break promises, lie, and let you down, what do you count on? This past year has been the darkest of my adult life and despite so many terrible things happening around me, every time I try accept what is happening and find hope, more things go wrong, break down, fail, betray, lose. I have reached the point where hope feels not only naive, but foolish. My potential college majors and careers laid out in front of me all feel wrong. My home town feels foreign, and everywhere I look to move feels questionable. What is one left to hold onto at the end of the day? When the dark has overcome the light? When No potential options feel right and where you are feels wrong, where does one go? This is not a social commentary with a decisive point and direction at the end my friends. This is an admittance of defeat. This is a point of starting over and letting go of everything I once thought I knew. Caring less and living more. Focusing on being rather than planning. Life isn’t what I thought it was and now I’m forced to adapt.

If these eyes could talk.

I’m switching things up a bit this week. Aside from being a week late, this is a fresh post as apposed to releasing ones I had previously written in succession. This week has been incredibly rough. There has been so much loss, so much tragedy, and so much pain. There is no positive spin, no silver lining, and no bright side. Between everything I’m going through in my personal life, the challenges, hardships, and dead ends, I’m simply tired of hearing people say things like “It’ll get better,” or “Don’t worry, things will change soon.” If you have truly ever been though anything hard you know that telling someone that things will get better does nothing for what they are currently experiencing. When you’ve been going through so much stress, anxiety, and uncertainty, someone telling you that things will get better is more infuriating than anything. In reality it’s a cop out. It’s saying “I don’t really know what to say or how to help, so here’s a generic saying to end this awkwardness I’m feeling.” Right now, for myself, and several others I know, life is hard and not very enjoyable. The only things that will make it better is time for some, and for others, resolution. I see struggle, I see hardship, and I see pain. It’s all around me. It’s a part of my life as well and it’s not a welcome guest. I want resolution, I want certainty, and I want change. What I don’t want is someone trying to blindly comfort me. I’m not looking for a hug, I’m looking to fix the things that aren’t going well. This week, in seeing the pain of other people I’ve seen countless others attempt to comfort them with empty words. It’s frustrating and disappointing. If you want to help someone, DO something about it, don’t just throw words at people so you can feel better about yourself.