Uncertainty.

What is this blight called uncertainty? This fiend, this thief, this opportunist, this silent stalker. Uncertainty will take indescribable peace and turn it into torment. Uncertainty will take direction and turn it into a blank map. Uncertainty will take confirmation and turn it into aggression. Uncertainty will take everything you know and convince you that you never knew it t begin with. It will make you question even the most noble of causes and turn your generosity to pure selfishness. Uncertainty will do its best to conceal its origin and replace it with you. Uncertainty loves itself and hates the truth. Uncertainty is a stalker; it likes to get to know its victims before it kindly places its hand on their shoulder quietly assuring them of themselves. Uncertainty is in the air we breathe and the water we drink. Uncertainty is FEAR. 

Who are we?

No one wants to be lonely. No one wants to go through life without someone by their side. People say that when you stop looking for someone, that’s when you find them. People say that it can be difficult to find someone who is compatible with you. The truth is two fold. These days it’s not about finding someone who is compatible, it’s not about someone who you think you can simply get along with anymore. The most important, and often hardest part of finding someone to share your life with is finding someone who won’t hurt you. We have become a selfish and self-seeking people. We will say and do horrible things to the people we supposedly care about in order to spare ourselves even the slightest inconvenience. It’s finding someone who will truly be honest and not discount the feelings and cares of others that is in fact the real rarity these days. Hell, it’s hard to even find friends like this much less a significant other. If all of that wasn’t enough to make you throw your arms in the air in total defeat the second truth to finding someone, which can be equally hard is the chance that they are in fact attracted to you not just for who you are, but yes, what you look like as well. Personality and the things that make us who we are can only go so far in attraction. If there is not a baseline physical attraction there is no way to fabricate it. The sad thing is that most people are not even remotely aware enough of this fact to pay attention to it and therefor only go for people they find extremely attractive, almost fully ignoring their personality and character traits. Who we are is what sticks around and comes out from under the cracks of our conversations and time spent. This is why so many people get together so fast, seem so founded, and then break up so hard. They ignore who each other are and lean solely on the fact that find each other physically attractive, then they find out things a little down the road that should have been obvious and they turn out to be deal breakers. Now there are only two ways to go about this as, like I said, most people don’t pay enough attention or have the awareness to look past physical attraction (or lack of). You can be yourself and hope that’s enough to catch someone’s eye or if in fact you don’t like your odds you can change them. Society tells us this latter is the only way to attain happiness however they also like to elude to the fact that if you aren’t born attractive you aren’t a pure breed for lack of a better term. If you have to work at, or simply try to alter your appearance to become more attractive to your intended they imply that you’re not in the same status as those born that way. I however disagree. I think people who decide they don’t like themselves after looking in the mirror and decide it’s time for a change, one accomplished, are far more entitled than those born that way. It’s the same context as someone who is living off of a trust fund vs someone who actually worked hard and earned their way to the top. They know the value and power of where they are vs where they were. They also know how the people who aren’t there yet feel and provided they aren’t an ass of a person, won’t perpetuate the societal finger pointing. The bottom line is that while people will tell you what they will, you have to watch out for yourself when trying to find a partner in life. It’s become a nasty and dangerous game. If you want to come out alive you have to be smart, cunning, aware, alert, observant, and most of all, willing to do whatever is required. I share this not out of concern for your well being, but for the simple purpose of shedding a little more light on the little pieces of pocket lint that like to peruse the lines of the lonely while portraying themselves as anything but cowardly scavengers. When it comes down to it, who are we? 

The worst kind of pain.

What is the worst kind of pain? Is it physical? Is it mental? Is it emotional? If the heart is the core of who we are and what we “feel”, then I purpose that what we feel there is the worst kind of pain. Is it the pain that hurts us? Is it the pain that weakens us? Or is it simply ourselves? Is it the pain, or our reaction to it? Why do we find ourselves compelled to carry on this sick cycle? Get and give, pain in, pain out. Why must we hurt others as a result of our own pain? Is it human nature? Is it a learned trait? Not from our parents but from society? Or is it simply easier? I have my theories on this but the facts are yet to be seen. Why would anyone turn on someone close to them, to prevent the unlikely POSSIBILITY that they MAY get hurt. The irony in all this is that people hurt others to prevent their own pain, so unfortunately, until people begin to realize this…..it will continue.